Did no one ever tell Boy George about spyware?

There are many ways to deal with hackers trying to access your computer. One is to install a firewall. Another is to run an anti-spyware package. Another still is to handcuff and chain a male sex escort to the wall and whip him with a metal chain until the computer is fixed.

That is what PC expert Boy George apparently did when he allegedly realised his male escort had hacked into his laptop. In a computing story of stunning symmetry, Boy apparently met the escort on gay website Gaydar. (For none British readers, a "gaydar" is what some gay men - I'm not sure about women - use to "detect" good-looking other gays. It's a metaphorical tool based on radar technology but does not actually physically exist with a metal aerial etc.).

While most people believe that it is spyware and adware that is usually responsible for computer hijack attempts, Boy said it was "a fixated lesbian" who had cloned his machine and was operating it remotely from the United States. This sounds almost as plausible as Ron Davies excuse when he was caught shagging a Rasta on Clapham Common and said he was "looking for badgers".

Bizarrely, he took it all out on a male escort who he chained and whipped until, according to the BBC, the escort fled for his life in "just his boxer shorts, trainers and a pair of handcuffs, where he ran to a local newsagents shop at about 0730 GMT in a state of fear, and the shopkeeper called the police." Imagine being that shopkeeper at 7.30 in the morning.

Anyway, there are many issues and questions this case raises. If it was a "fixated lesbian" that was tampering with his computer, why did Boy chain and whip a male escort? Secondly, why would a "fixated lesbian" be fixated with a gay man? Finally, how does Boy envisage this masterplan took place? Did the "fixated lesbian" sit surrounded by a huge bank of PC's in America in a big chair cloning Boy's computer and laughing demonically like some kind of deranged gay Dr Claw in Inspector Gadget?

It sounds hard to believe and if he went into PC World and told them what he thought was happening, they probably would have laughed him all the way to Dixons. That said, chaining and whipping a male escort to the wall was not the way to deal with this. Next time Boy, use a firewall, not a male escort, chain and handcuffs.

In the meantime, here is Boy in his better days singing, ironically, Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

Richey Edwards RIP

It's only a legal formality but also an official end to the life of Richey Edwards who after being missing for 13 years, has now been officially declared dead by his family. For many Manics fans, his family and the band themselves, facing the fact that he is dead has been very difficult and hopefully this will help everyone get some closure on the issue. His obituary in The Guardian is here.

But rather than wallow in sadness, it's best just to remember some of the genius he left behind:

Obama - Bill Clinton 2?

Since Barrack Obama was elected, it's been almost criminal to be pessimistic or question whether he is going to make a radical change in America. The mainstream media is, as usual, largely responsible for this just as before the invasion of Iraq when it made it virtually insane to question whether the invasion was immoral or illegal. Added to Obama's obvious talent as a speaker, his intelligence and the fact that he's the USA's first black president, it's easy to understand why there's a lot of hope and expectation.

Whether Obama will make a difference depends on how high your standards are. If you compare him to one of America's most notable black heroes like Martin Luther King for example, then Obama will undoubtedly disappoint. King spoke out against the immorality of the war in Vietnam, and state terrorism in general, in a way that Obama wouldn't even dare in Iraq. King demanded an immediate withdrawal of troops from Vietnam. In contrast, when questioned on Iraq, Obama will invariably be evasive saying that he will consult his Chief of Staff and Commanders on the front-line as he did on 60 minutes a few days ago. He would never even dream of saying that the invasion was illegal - which is a simple fact based on international law - let alone immoral. On Israel, he's now silent on the Palestinian cause despite criticizing Israeli occupation of Palestinian land when he was a senator in Chicago.

If however you measure Obama against someone like Bill Clinton then you'll probably be delighted with what's in store. Just as George Bush filled his administration with leftover Republicans from the last Republican government (and even Reagan administration) it seems Obama is doing the same with his new government. Unbelievably, it's rumoured that he's going to offer the Secretary of State job to Hillary Clinton which surely shows a hugely disappointing lack of imagination and a worrying sign of what to expect from Obama. Whats more, he has confirmed that even Republicans will make it into his administration with candidates rumoured to be Colin Powell and yes, John McCain. Is this proof not, if proof need be, that the Democrats and Republicans are so ideologically similar, it's a farce to call it a democratic election?

It has to be remembered that whoever Obama appoints, any kind of rollback to the Clinton years would not be a "step-forward" for America. It would be a modest improvement on the mess America is already in but it would take a lunatic not be able to achieve that. How successful you regard Obama will depend on where your standards lie.

Will voters deliver for Obama?

Formula 1 saw its first black world champion crowned in dramatic style on Sunday and an even bigger prize awaits Barack Obama as the US presidential race enters its last 12 hours.

Regardless of the fact I don't see much changing whoever wins, it will be a lot closer than the exit polls are saying. It's often said that people ultimately vote with their pocket when they put pen to paper in the polling station and McCain's promise of lower taxes in difficult economic times may prove too hard for some to resist. A huge swath of central states will just vote stubbornly for the same party they've always voted and sad as it may be, some who may have considered switching to Democrat simply won't this year because Obama is black.

Most amazing of all on TV I saw a young Hispanic voter say she'd vote for McCain "because he's against abortion". I can't remember McCain making a big thing about abortion this election but it just goes to show that no matter how a government has performed, even young people still vote on the same old bizarre logic they've always voted on. If you look at it rationally, anyone would be mental to even consider voting Republican again after what they've done domestically and abroad over the past 8 years and yet the prognosis is it's still going to be a very close result.

The most sensible piece of commentary I've read so far was by music producer Akon (never heard of him) in The Guardian today:

I really, really hope that Obama gets in but I don't want to jinx him. It's too early to say, because I don't remember anybody voting for [George W] Bush's second term, and he still won.

It's a good point. When polled, many people are probably too ashamed to admit they will vote McCain but when it comes to the crunch, their pen accidentally slips on the voting paper.

The biggest problem for Americans though is that I don't think they see a great deal of difference between the main candidates as in the last election. However, at least this the Democrats have offered concrete incentives such as a universal healthcare system and maybe that will give undecided voters at least something to hang onto as they go to the polls tonight.

PS This is an excellent interactive map of the election results (from none other than "fair and balanced" Fox news). Excellent because it's one of the few mainstream media maps that will display results for independent parties as well.

Could this decide the American election?

This is genius from Peru.

I like the bit at the end where it's revealed that while most of the shamen are for Obama, two of them are going absolutely mental for McCain.

Banned for loving Barça

There's a classic story in the BBC today about an 18 year old Barça fan in Morocco who's been jailed for writing "God, The Nation, Barcelona" on the school blackboard. It's illegal to insult the King (pictured) in Morocco and the correct phrase should have been, "God, The Nation, The King".

What made me laugh though is the bit where the BBC report says, "FC Barcelona says it has appointed a lawyer to look into whether they can help the boy, within the framework of Moroccan law." I think by "help" the lawyers are simply going to correct the boy, not get him out of jail. "You got it the wrong way round son - it's Barcelona, God, The Nation".

On another note, what on earth is the Moroccan King wearing in this picture? He looks like a Teletubby. I'll probably get put in jail for that now. I hope the Teletubbies have got some decent lawyers.

Full story.

Catatonic about Katona

In England recently, there's been a lot of fuss about a girl called Kerry Katona who was interviewed on a morning chatshow programme apparently drunk.

She was interviewed by Phillip Schofield who when I was a kid, used to present kids TV with a woolly puppet called "Gordon The Gopher" and Fern Brittan who used to present my local TV news with a balding man called Fred Dinage. Britton is nowadays most commonly featured in British tabloids because of her fluctuating weight with headlines such as "The Battle of Britton", "Welcome To Great (Big) Britton" and "Forget Little Britton - Here's A Bloody Big One." Her husband is a celebrity chef so it's not really her fault to be fair.

Anyway, Katona is famous for being in a short lived band called Atomic Kitten who eventually found success in South East Asia. Katona got pregnant however, left the band and posed naked in The News of The World. She later married a member of Westlife before splitting up with him, going into rehab and marrying a taxi driver called Dave. She then had a kid with him which she named Maxwell after the PR guru Max Clifford who is also her publicist. Clifford returned the favour by getting her a job as spokeswoman for Iceland frozen food and Asda supermarkets. In August, she was declared bankrupt. She did however have enough money left to afford a breast reduction operation to go from a 34GG to a 34DD and also film the entire operation for an MTV reality show.

If Katona had indeed had a few drinks while on air after all this, it's hardly surprising. In the interview, Schofield and Britton tried to tiptoe around the subject of whether she "liked a drink" but Katona got a bit offended. They alluded to newspaper pictures of her on holiday in Spain having a drink in Marbella. You could see that Schofield was desperate to go, "You were absolutely battered love - you're a bloody disgrace" but he bit his tongue. Katona pleaded like some kind of Coronation Street character gone wrong that had spent too long in the Rovers Return saying, "I were in Marbella on holiday, I'm allowed to 'av a drink on 'oliday aren't I?".

I just think that Katona has been treated a bit unfairly here. One theory is that Britton set this up on purpose so she could discredit Katona and become the spokesperson for Asda and Iceland instead (and obviously enjoy all the food freebies that go along with it). I don't believe that but I do think that Katona should be left alone - she's just a young girl suffering with a few problems like we all do. It's just that we don't get asked to be interviewed on TV about them by Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton. I wish we did though.